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ChrissyV
New Member
59 Posts |
 Posted - 08/13/2008 : 08:12:39
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When you live in a home with active alcoholism can you ever truly be happy? It is said that alanon gives you the tools to deal with the alcoholism but does it give you the tools to deal with your own happiness? I hear many say, yes I have boundaries, yes I can detach, etc. But can you honestly say, that if you had your life your live over again, would you be where you are now? What keeps you there? Don't tell me it's because you love him/her, in sickness and in health, etc. Is that all that's keeping you in the relationship? The marriage vows? How can one possible love one so much to put up with all the mental abuse, sometimes physical abuse that you receive in an alcoholic relationship?
What makes you stay?
(being the devils advocate here, don't shoot me) lol
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Lin
Junior Member
USA
352 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2008 : 20:17:26
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Wonderful question. I know for many years I stayed because I was way too STUBBORn to let my family know they were right..I should have waited. They told me I was making a mistake...5 weeks was not long enough to know a man before you marry him. So I stayed. I was not happy.
I had many happy times, but for the most part was not happy.
I also stayed because i know what a wonderful person he is when he's sober. That man ihe is when drunk is a totally different person. I did stay for the "better or worse". I figures I had survived teh worst and was planning to stick aroudn for the better.
He finally found recovery...his version of it. So instead of getting drunk 5 or 6 days a week, he'd get drunk one or 2 titmes a week. So that was a help. I had time to catch my breath.
He's been in the hospital recently and I've been very worried ab9tu him. He had gone 10 whole days without a drink. But this mornig when I was at work he drank. He sobered up a bit. I went back to work tonight and he is so drunk he is hallucinating, taking to himself, spilling vodka on the carpet, mumbling about being pissed at somethig. I am detaching. ...staying in the other room...hopig he will finally jstupass out.
Abraham Lincoln said..you can be as happy as you make your mind up to be.
So today i am happy. I have decided not to let the ations of another destroy my happiness. I lvoe being married. And most of the time I enjoy being with him. I sjtu dont enjoy him when he's like this.
LIN |
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ChrissyV
New Member
59 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2008 : 08:49:08
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| Don't you have to stop and think......do the good times outweigh the bad tines? I believe if it gets to be tilting more on the bad times....it's time to get out. Don't you think? I see people on a daily basis that just hang around because they have nowhere else to go and live in the alcoholics life like they were meant to be part of it. It's really sad as they become so bitter and probably don't know how to laugh and have fun anymore. |
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Lin
Junior Member
USA
352 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2008 : 15:53:29
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I do know how to have fun. ANd for me I think right now the good times outweigh the bad. Maybe that's because I hhave many parts of my life that dont revolve around my spouse...I have two jobs and love both of them. I havemy church and all that entails, I have freinds both in and out of recovery, I have my dogs, I have shoppiung, Etc. So I do have alot of fun and don't depend on him for my happiness.
Tonight I am going to a freind's house to play BUNCO. I think that is a positive step. I told him about it a couple of weeks ago and have not reminded him. I will tell him I am leaving when it is time to go. He has a meetitn on Friday night. SO if he goes to his meeting, we'll both be gone. No problem.
LIN |
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Being Happy
