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Lin
Junior Member
USA
352 Posts |
 Posted - 12/25/2007 : 04:04:36
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HOlidays can be tough for the alkie/addicts as well as for the family and friends.
I remember whenever we had a large dinnr such as Thanksgiving, my mom would cook all day, and sit down for a few drinks to unwind. She'd drink her meal, never make it to the table at all, and pass out. Then I'd be left to clean up the kitchen. That was tough for a child. My dad would drink too much at 4th of July picnics and embarrass me in front of my freinds. They'd both drink too much New Year's eve and always get in fights. Many holiday meals there would be a big fight over my mom smoking or what one of us was wearing to the table and somebody would leave the table crying and not eat at all. I remember my uncle came to eat with us once and he was drunk. I had no idea what an alcoholic was then. I was maybe 5. I just remember my dad said something ugly to him and he left our house without even eating and then my mom and dad got into it and neither of them ate either. The kids were crying and did not want to eat or could not eat. It was a mess. On New year's day, We usually got up to party hats and noisemakers and at least one of them was bloody from the other throwing something at them when they got home. It was tough on us. And when I married, my spouse also drank way more than usual on holidays. 5 years out of 6, he was either in the hospital or jail from drinkng and taking his meds wrong on 4th of July. He'd hold roman candles in his hands and light them. I was always freaking out over hm getting hurt. Family gatherings he'd drink and get in a fist fight with somebody or at least several heated arguments. I dont think he knows how to Christmas shop without drinking . (even today)
There have been times when I'd actually get physically sick...vomiting and diarrhea just wondering how bad the upcoming holiday can be THIS year.
I am sure for the addicted person holidays are tough. They may have trouble socializing without a drink. They may have trouble watching others drink and knowing they should not have one. They may have trouble dealing with memories of childhood celebrations. They may have difficulty dealing with alot of people around. They may have other reasons.
It's also tough on the family.
Today I deal so much better.
*I make a Plan B in case plans fall thru.
*I don't accept all party invitations for both of us if they include alcohol.
*I don't drink in front of him. I rarely drink at all...occasiionally a glass of wine or something like that, but I dont do it in front of him.
*I use my serenity prayer to remind myself I can't change those around me.
*I enjoy the children at the family celebrations and stay out of the room where the so called adults are having a huge argument about politics or something just as silly to be arguing about.
*I use my AlAnon slogans in my mind such as Live and Let Live, How Important is it? and Let Go Let God.
* I stay as organized as a person can be and that way, last minute stumbling blocks don't often get in the way.
*I remember to be compassionate about those family members with this disease and he helps me not be angry when they act out in their disease.
If you count every holiday and every weekend that's 1/3 of the year. Today I choose not to lose 1/3 of my life every year staying worked up over the behavior of another person. I can find something to be happy about and find something useful and fun to do and let them behave like they do without getting sucked into t he chaos. This has taken me 15 years of ALAnon to do this, ...it was gradual, but I can see a very different ME today on holidays.
LIN
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Jeanne
Starting Member
16 Posts |
Posted - 12/27/2007 : 19:26:41
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| I remember many a New Years as a kid and we would go to my aunts house for a big party. All the adults would drink too much and get stupid. I really don't remember anything fun about them. I do remember that a lot of times the roads would be bad because of snow and dad would be driving us home after drinking too much. I would just lay down in the back seat and pray we would make it home. I come from a family of arguers. I have gotten so sick of arguing or hearing an argument every time we would all get together. We just about made it this Christmas without an incident when my daughter and son said something to each other, then she had to bring it to everyone else....I just can't take the drama anymore. I could feel it affecting me inside...so I just walked away. Im glad you wrote what you did Lin...I will remember and practice Happy New Year...Jeanne |
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Bigmama
New Member
USA
75 Posts |
Posted - 12/28/2007 : 10:51:19
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Growing up I dreaded the holidays because Dad invariably got drunker and meaner. Being the oldest of 3 kids, it was usually my self-appointed chore to get him to stop beating on Mom (and of course in doing that I then took the rest of her beating). I swore I'd never drink, that I'd never have my Dads' drinking problem.....and I didn't have.....I went out and drank myself across that invisible line between social drinker and alcoholic. Looking back tho, even during my drinking career, I avoided alcohol like the plague at any and all holidays...probably subconcious reaction to my childhood memories. By Gods' grace, I spared my oldest child a lot of horrible memories, and I thank Him daily. Today, whenever going to a function where there will be drinking, I remind myself that if I get uncomfortable I can leave. Today thanks to what I learned both in alanon and in AA I have options, and tools to use to help me deal appropriately with situations I didn't cause and can't control. Great post Lin,isn't freedom wonderful?? The freedom to be yourself, put yourself first and just take good care of you, are I think some of the greatest gifts the program of alanon can give.
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I love you all and there's nothing you can do about it.
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Lin
Junior Member
USA
352 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2007 : 06:25:32
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Thanks for the replies Jeanne and Lora.
It seems many of us grew up with similar situations.
Today I have lerned ways to enjoy the holidays instead of dreading them. It makes for a much happier life for ME. Walking away from the drama is an excellent example of one of the many ways I have adapted.
LIN |
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Lin
Junior Member
USA
352 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2008 : 04:50:50
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Today is Memorial Day...another holiday. I thought I'd bump this back up to the top.
Actually July 4th has been the most famous at my house for chaos and out of control. In one 6 year span he was either in the hospital or jail from drinking and taking medications incorrectly.
Today I will make a list of thigs I want to do while I am off. If he does them with me..OK. If not, I will do them by myself.
It's the ole PLAN B thing....
Today I will try to do thing I enjoy an things I want to ge accomplished.
First thig...off to Hardees for coffee. If he won't get up. I will go by myself.
Enjoy your holiday! Happy Memorial Day!
LIN
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getitng through holidays
