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MajestyJo
Average Member
Canada
590 Posts |
 Posted - 10/14/2007 : 12:03:42
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I didn't want to accept my alcoholism. I didn't want to wear a label that I had put on my dad and my ex-husband. I knew I had an addictive personality, but I was not like them. Today, I know I am the alcoholic and they were drunks who may have been alcoholic. I had the thinking problem, they had the drinking problem. I could drink them both under the table because they would pass out and I had the resentment when there was no more booze for me to drink. It started me hiding booze just waiting for them to go to sleep.
Denial is a real enemy to moving forward in our life and yet it can be a tool to help us deal with the moment. I like the expression "blanket of denial" which we can put on to protect ourselves until such a time as we are able to deal with a situation. The only problem is that some people get too comfortable in that space and pull a Linus and don't want to give it up and face the truth.
It is only when we face things and go through them that we heal. I am not alone. I don't have to face life and my fears all by myself. When I choose not to face reality, I stay sick. In my disease, I was incased in my own world and I can not see the whole picture clearly. I become suspended in time and isolated in my disease. When I take off tha blanket of denial, I learn to be honest and take the First Step to recovery.
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Love Always,
Each Day is a New Beginning, so have a great one. |
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MajestyJo
Average Member
Canada
590 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2007 : 14:07:01
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My denial ended when I had a dream and saw myself as everyone else saw me. I thought because I could walk a straight line I wasn't drunk. Because I didn't drink beer and only drank my rye with coca-cola, I wasn't an alcoholic. I didn't have black outs, I remembered everything my husband did the night before and proceeded to tell him the next morning. I was the one who drove home ten miles with the cops following me. They didn't pull me over but if they had they would have locked me up and thrown away the key. It was two o'clock at night and I had started drinking at noon.
In this dream I walked into the Legion wearing 3" red spiked shoes (a good indicator and story in itself), I walked to the bar without going to a table for a drink and went straight to the dart boards to challenge people for a game. I walked a straight line. I was a first class controlling obnoxious bitch. A braggart, a self-centered person who was the great I am and out to 'best' everyone be it pool, dart, euchre or cribbage. I was numbero uno don't you know and although a friend said to be that I was one of the best dart players, man or woman in the legion, I always denied it. I always wanted to be a part of but I wasn't a team player. I was never willing to look at what was good for the whole. It was always about me and what I wanted and desired.
Today I know my husband was a drunk. I am the recovering alcoholic who had a thinking problem to go with the drinking. |
Love Always,
Each Day is a New Beginning, so have a great one. |
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Denial
