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ChrissyV
New Member
59 Posts |
 Posted - 10/09/2007 : 14:52:04
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When the A in our life has been sober for a while and then they relapse how do we react? My brother, who has been on his death bed I don't know how many times is sober again. I often think, yeah for how long this time instead of thanking my HP for giving him the power to overcome the "bottle". He tries hard and I know he doesn't want to be the way he is but fails each time. I hold hope for him every time he tries and pray that he doesn't give up trying. I don't live close to him so I can't see what he's doing different this time from the time before. I have my brother back but I often wonder for how long.
It's very hard when they are drinking and it's also very hard when they are not drinking. I can only live one day at a time,as he does and pray that each day will make him a little stronger and not have to go back out there. I also know this is his decision and it's up to him and I can't change that no matter how much I hound him or whatever.
So I pray for all the strengh I can as I don't want to get into that "I don't care" attitude because if I cared then I would only be hurt again if they start drinking again and I am just too tired to bear any more of that.
So for now, life is good, and each day it gets better. I am not complaining and will take every day I can as it is.
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MajestyJo
Average Member
Canada
590 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2007 : 15:16:26
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Itis difficult when they relapse. I went to Al-Anon when my best friend relapsed, my sponsee relapsed, and had to detach from them both. I lived with my friend and her son for seven months, we went through treatment together, but when she relapsed, I had to move out. I didn't feel safe. She came back into the program two years ago. It is scarey because she got a man in her life and has stopped going to meetings. I have to let her work her own program. There isn't the same connection between us. When she first came in she called me all the time, now I seldom here from her unless I phone. Using relationships can lead to the same soul sickness as other addictions.
My son is still clean and sober. At first I was fearful of being hopeful, but like everything else, it is one day at a time. I don't see him as often, and I have to let him walk his own recovery journey.
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Love Always,
Each Day is a New Beginning, so have a great one. |
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Lin
Junior Member
USA
352 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2007 : 04:28:37
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I totally relate Chrissy. When they first get sober, we constantly wait for that other shoe to drop. It may or may not ever drop, but we wait and wonder nonetheless.
I find when I put my focus on my own program, work my steps, read my books. attend my meetings. I dont find my mine going to that place of waiting for that shoe to drop.
I also enjoy and make the most of evey sober day I can witness. Mine drank alst Wed. and again yesterday. So that made a whole week of sober. I enjoyed it. I jsut don't let myself get too hopefull that this time is the time. I used to write on teh calendar so we'd know his ne DOS. I jsut dont even bother any more. There are way too many dates. Let HIM decide when he's had enough and then HE can remember the date.
LIN |
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MajestyJo
Average Member
Canada
590 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2007 : 19:06:05
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When I was married to my second husband, he was sober for nine months. He did it on his own. Not sure if he knew about AA, I didn't. When he started drinking again, he drank more heavily and was more violent. As they say, it is a progressive disease.
I know for my own disease, the thought that it has progressed over the last sixteen years, keeps me clean and sober. I hate to think what it would be like if I picked up again. I didn't want to go back there when I quit, I sure don't want to go back there now.
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Love Always,
Each Day is a New Beginning, so have a great one. |
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Lin
Junior Member
USA
352 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2007 : 07:00:11
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I had another th0ught Chrissy when I read your post again.
My dad had schlerosis of the liver. He's swell up and have to have fluid drained from his body. His skin and eyes turned yellow. He'd go in and out of comas. That was pretty much a deathbed. But you know what? When he'd wake from a coma and find himself in a coma, he'd call a cab, give the cabby a big tip and have him smuggle a bottle into the hospital. Then he'd drink it down and pass out again. He knew he was dying and that drinking made it woprse, but he continued until the day he died. He was 56.
LIN |
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MajestyJo
Average Member
Canada
590 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2007 : 10:12:01
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My son has relapsed. He is not sure what he is doing. He had to move out of the safe house he was in as a result of using. He is talking about leaving Hamilton, which I know will be good for him. He mentioned going to detox but won't go while he is working. He is in landscaping and it is seasonal weather. Ironically, it has been 16 deg. celsius this week and snow looks a long, long way away.
When he got sober, I too felt guilty about wonder how long it would last. I was surprised he went to NA. He always said he would never go to a 12 Step Fellowship. He always looked at the messenger and never wanted to listen to the message. He never got a sponsor or a home group and I could see he wasn't really willing to go to any length. I am grateful I could detach. He has to find his own way, his recovery was his responsibility.
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Love Always,
Each Day is a New Beginning, so have a great one. |
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Lin
Junior Member
USA
352 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2007 : 15:54:22
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SOrry to har he relapsed Jo. I know how much we want out loved ones to get better. It does hurt, but I'm glad you were able to detach.
LIN |
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Littlepistol
New Member
USA
58 Posts |
Posted - 11/05/2007 : 18:46:30
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It is so hard when they relapse to detach, we fall back into wanting to fix it or say "you know what you have to do, now do it" How many times I've said that in my mind. I know many people relapse around the holidays but also many recovering AAs seem to go into dry drunks. Does anyone else think those can be even more upsetting?
HUGS |
LET GO LET GOD
As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God, because He was my friend.
I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back and cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do? You never did let go." |
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Jadee
Starting Member
10 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2007 : 13:55:21
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LilPistol, your comment about the phenomena of holiday dry drunks is so on par! I see it in person as well as in 12 step chatrooms.
It's a wonderful reminder to me to follow my program 
Namaste & Light,
Judi
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